Something to Think About
by rumpybumpy14
Summary: Louisa thinks she has it under control...but does she?
1. Chapter 1

Something to Think About

My release from the hospital went smoothly. Martin picked me up and took me to Ruth's to get James. We had returned to Fern Cottage that night for my first night home. Martin had cared for me with kid gloves...making me comfortable, dispensing my meds and taking James' care completely, so I had no concern. As soon as I emerged from my totally narcotized sleep he and James Henry had joined me for a bit of family time and playtime so I eased myself back to reality. James Henry was pulling up and cruising so the first story had been child proofed and fortified for a toddler's exploration. Martin fed me and kept me company, but he hung back, knowing that I had told him I needed a break from him. I was torn. In a way I regretted what I had done, but in another way I knew it was absolutely necessary.

We had to come to a solution although I could have melted into Martin's arms knowing he had tried to follow me to Spain. "Don't want to be the boy who called wolf," I figured. A lot of machination had been going on while I recovered and Morwenna showed up on the second day I was home.

"Well, Mrs. Ellingham...Louisa...this is what we have. I have lots of extra room so you and James can stay at the house. The Doc says he will compensate me in my check because he feels that you and James are his responsibility...that's just icing on the cake for me. Bottom line, I'd love you to stay. I would have you any way.

Well, it was not going to Spain...but it did get me away from Martin which was my original plan. My Mom and I had talked and she would visit soon and help me out. She'd grown attached to James Henry and couldn't wait to see him again. So, I agreed, I'd move in with Morwenna for a while. It was incestuous, but better than nothing.

Martin was stoic throughout the process. I knew he wanted me to stay before my escape attempt, but now he seemed determined to make things right. He seemed to want me out so we could assess our situation. It scared me, because I wasn't sure I wanted to go. Al and his friend had moved the changing table into our room just as I fitted the last baby gate into the downstairs doorway. Morwenna's living room provided scads of room for toddler exploring...no sharp corners...nice soft furniture. James' blocks and toys were scattered about. They wouldn't disturb anyone here. "Alright, that's it," Al declared. "Oh, thank you Al...thank you Morwenna...thank you so much. I hope this will be ok for you."I said. "Well, as we are going to the Pub for quiz night, it should be fine. We'll see you when we see you," answered Morwenna.

I made my supper and something for James. We played for a while after dinner and I gave James his bath and read him a story. While I read him the story I couldn't help but look at him and see Martin's head and wispy hair and his eyes and inevitably, his ears. He was his father's son, especially at 90th percentile for height. I guess I wished the phone would ring, but it didn't. I had told Martin I needed to get away but he had taken it so literally.

As time carried on, Al and Morwenna became closer. There were nights when Al was here. There were nights when Morwenna stayed at the farm while the remodeling was going on. It didn't take long before James and I lived at Morwenna's alone. Morwenna was entirely happy. "I love having someone at the house. This is so great..you can make sure to keep an eye on the place...and you and James can have your privacy! What could be more perfect?" she exclaimed. She and Al stayed at the farm while she still worked for Martin. As such, I got a bit of news about Martin and he and I talked as he took James for visitation but it seemed I wanted more. He seemed so sad all the time and dutifully left me alone. Something was missing in my life and I knew what it was.

I kept in touch with my friends and they were an important social outlet. Pippa from school called me and said, "Louisa, we haven't heard from you in weeks. We have to get you out. Get a sitter and join Allison Hardy and I for our "Girl's Day Out Picnic". You think you could manage that?" I told her that I couldn't miss it. "Girl's Day Out" was a time when we would meet and walk to to a gorgeous spot along the coast trail and share drinks and food surrounded by nature and loads of gossip and laughter. I had to make it. It's just what I needed.


	2. Chapter 2

Something to Think About – Part Two

It wasn't difficult to talk Morwenna into babysitting for an afternoon and evening as she was so delighted to see her Granddad's home occupied and kept up. She hated being an absentee landlord but she trusted me so much she was relieved of worry. She and Al actually looked forward to spend an evening with a ten and a half month old toddler. James was really quite happy with his routine and felt comfortable with people that he knew. I packed up my bag with the roast chicken and Manchego I was advised to bring and hiked up, past the surgery, to the coast path.

I couldn't help but look at the surgery as I walked by. I subtlety looked aside as I walked by, dying to know what Martin was doing. Morwenna's schedule had been unusual in the last few weeks, as she told me Martin had been out of town and having appointments here and there. She offered me no further information and perhaps, indeed did not know what was going on. I was dying to know.

I hiked up to the coastal path until I met Pippa, Allison and Emily. Allison and Emily had been friends with Pauline and filled us in with what was going on with her. She was in Exeter with a beau who was a computer specialist. They planned to get married in the middle of next year. We found a lovely spot with a spectacular view and started talking about current events, men, women and more men. We had cracked two bottles of wine and Allison broke out a jug of pomegranate martinis. The food was sublime...chicken, roasted vegetables, green salad, cheese, fruit, fresh bread, pasta salad.

The conversation was lively and somewhat bawdy..mostly about men...their physical attributes, who we liked...and why we liked them. I thought about Martin the whole time, despite how these other women wouldn't understand it.

Maybe I shouldn't have had that second martini. We all had our second martinis and our group was a small bunch of women, three sheets to the wind. Fortunately, we were on foot, more excited than depressed and had a lot of time to get where we needed to go. It was good fun. We finally reached the top of road, just above Martin's cottage where we all dispersed. We had a great time and walked off on tipsy feet into the evening light.

I walked by Fern Cottage and couldn't help but look as I walked by. There was no hint of activity inside. I was feeling quite mellow and quite amorous so I wanted to see Martin really badly. I decided it was time to spend some time with him. I climbed the stairs to what had been MY house and rang the bell.

"Louisa?" questioned Martin as he opened the door, "How are you? I mean come in." He was in his dressing gown...at 8 pm? Under it he had a t-shirt and his flannel sweats... much nicer than the "blue pajamas of steel". I stepped inside as steadily as I could. I didn't think I appeared intoxicated but with Martin's nose and eyes who knew what he thought. "I just was out with friends," I said, "I was walking by and I thought I'd stop to say hello..so hello." "Yes, hello," Martin replied, "It's nice to see you." I looked at him straight in the eye, straight into his greenish-grey eyes. I stared at his funny face, looking at his sumptuous lips, knowing what those lips could do, knowing what his tongue could do, knowing what passion this otherwise stoic man could show. "Why are you wearing those?" I questioned, pointing to his normal pajamas. "I thought while we were together you told me not to wear my other ones...so I've taken to wearing these again. I find them rather comfortable when I work on my clocks or read...or care for James Henry when I get the chance. How is my son anyway?" he replied.

I suddenly felt horrible. I was denying this man access to his child...not absolutely, but I felt he wanted to see his son everyday. He seemed so so melancholy. I looked into his eyes and in my tipsy state, felt my desire inflame. I imagined the feel of his broad shoulders and his smooth, strong, blemish-free back and the feel of his lovely buttocks. I felt the draw of his smooth hair free chest. I had liked a hairy chest in my past experience, but the smoothness of Martin was incredibly sensual and I wanted to have it again.

"Well, Martin, James is fine. He is all over the place as you will see day after tomorrow when I drop him off. He is saying "Mum" and I think "Dah" should be coming any day." I told him. "Good, fine," he replied. I stared at Martin and inhaled the male scent of him. "Martin," I said, "I've been thinking..." I put my hand on his hand and played with his fingers.. God, I wanted this man..my man...so much I could not put it subtly, but I would try. I moved my hand up his arm and we walked into the lounge. Martin sat down, expecting me to do the same. Instead, in my tipsy and aroused state I kneeled between his knees and put my hands on his thighs. "Louisa, I don't think this activity is appropriate until we work through our issues...don't you agree?" he queried. "Bollocks to that, Martin, I find you so attractive that I can't resist, especially now," I replied. With that I kissed him with all the feeling that I had. Surprisingly and with great relief to me, he kissed me back and we shared a passion that we couldn't deny. I put my hands underneath his vest, toying with his nipples and caressing his body, taking in every sensuous touch of my fingers. I ran my hands over him and was pleased to find that he was as ready as I was to enjoy our encounter to the max. There was no doubt we had some chemistry and I wanted him right now.

Martin pushed me away abruptly. It was like cold water on a fire. "Louisa," he said, "If we are ready to negotiate after your "break" from me, I suggest we need to do it in a different way than this. I realize after your picnic and indulging with your friends you are feeling a bit amorous, and I love you and would love to be with you, but I think we need to face realistic issues and those cannot be dealt with under these circumstances. I'm sorry, but I must ask you to leave." He kissed me softly and chastely and let out an audible sigh as he lead me to the door. "Will you be fine heading home alone?" he asked. "yes, Martin, I'll be fine..it isn't even dark yet," I replied.

He closed the door and I stood out on the porch alone. Oh, God, what had I done? And I started to head home crying.

THE END


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